Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
