His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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