I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
