nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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