I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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