shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
