she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
