dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
