so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
