She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you had me at cake vodka
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
