It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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