I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
