Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
