I skipped work to stalk him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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