That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
