girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
