i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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