well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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