he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
