I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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