Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
