Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
