when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You took a bar mat shot.
you had me at cake vodka
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
