He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
