I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize