Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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