I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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