Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
