nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
