This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
