That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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