Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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