Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
