i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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