Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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