3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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