So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
