Umm I'm too high to move.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
