He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize