I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
