so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
