so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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