Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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