the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
