the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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