i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
