I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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