Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
