Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
