On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
