She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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