believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
