you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
