My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
