I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
