is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
