I'm laying in your front yard are you home
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
