And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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