So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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