he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
