if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
