I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
