I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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