Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still have a little drunk in my system
I forgot wine drunk hurts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
