it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
