I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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