youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
