I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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