he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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