what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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