i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
