Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
