im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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