I faked an abortion last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
