we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
