How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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