Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.