so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
