don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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