Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
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